I'm trying. I'm really trying to get this banner to post.

"Sometimes it's not the thought that counts. It's the cake." - Me.

Heheheh, back from the states now with an inbox full of panic. "I haven't seen you around for a while, you're not retired, are you?"

AGENT ORANGE

“The art of life is to show your hand. There is no diplomacy like candor. You may lose by it now and then, but it will be a loss well gained if you do. Nothing is so boring as having to keep up a deception.” - Anonymous

"Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are."~ Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

A POLICEMAN'S LOT

“They swing the lead as best they can, while looking for the easy collars. Then they get all uppity like, when someone expects 'em to do their job.” ~ John Higgins, Brother John and Sister Chain

THE CAKE THIEF

"Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile." ~ Anonymous

It's late, and I need to think. Cigarettes help me think but I've run out. I go into Mary's room - without knocking. It's midnight. She's always asleep by now.

I head for the far side of the sofabed to look for fags.

Wanna know who this is?

I'm more sympathetic to pedophiles than most. It is not as if, for instance, anyone kneels by their bed every night, praying "Oh please God make me a Kiddie-Fiddler by morning", is it?

You sort of are one, and you are stuck with it. A bit like being gay, or left-handed, or an Autie, or having red-hair.

Here is a copy and paste of a comment I posted in response to someone who thinks Assange is evading justice. I thought you all might like it.

@Carnivore:
He has good reason to believe he will get no fair trial in Sweden. Here is the proof..

http://www.chillingmesoftly.com/content/proof-marianne-ny-lied-swedish-c...

Something has been bothering me.

Now it may come as a shock to some, but I have enjoyed, from time to time, the occasional dalliance with a Gentleman.

Quite a - erm, few, gentlemen.

Not once, in my entire litany of depravity have I ever felt the need to do this..

So me and Mary are in the paper shop. Mary hasn't any money.

"Icicle can I have a Daily Mail?"

Yup the girl has an unerring eye for quality..

"Aw Mary!"

I turned to the shopkeeper..

"Can I have a porn magazine to hide it in?"

OK Honeypies, this one goes out to - how shall I put this? - the more well connected among my clients.

I don't personally, give a shit about your mild inconveinience. A few diplomatic cables were released. Shut the fuck up already. You will find a work around.

Just imagine some girl was miffed at you for infidelity and wanted to embarrass you by telling the police you won't take an STD test. As you are famous it might make a nice story for the papers.

Proof Marianne Ny lied to a Swedish court to get an arrest warrant for Julian Assange..

I have just sent the following to Interpol..

Dear Interpol,

I discovered my boyfriend was seeing someone else behind my back.

I was reading this here http://annaardin.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/sjustegsmodell-for-laglig-hamnd/

"Of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who live amongst mortal men to their great trouble" ~ Hesiod. On Pandora, companion of Prometheus.

Once upon a time there was a little girl called 'Anna Ardin'. Anna had a website..

http://ardin.se

Here is the home page via Google Translate.. (Bear with me, it gets more interesting.)

"If only closed minds came with closed mouths." ~ Anonymous.

I think I'm beginning to spot a very irritating pattern.

"He only got to B! He's got the rest of the alphabet to learn. " ~ My client, Rodger44 on finding out John has a B in English.

A text conversation between myself and my decorating apprentice..

Him: Babes would u be able to lend me some money john x x x

Me: How are you planning to pay it back, and what is it for?

“I don't know if there are men on the moon, but if there are they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum” ~ George Bernard Shaw

This one goes out to Aspie Leo, after a Certain Incident in a cafe yesterday.

"In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men." ~ Cicero

Talk about bad science, I just found a classic. Anyone read all the news stories lately about a study that says Glucosamine and Chondroitin 'don't work' on Osteoarthritis?